Been a while...

Han pasado muchas cosas desde el último blog.

For one, I went to Shakira's Oral fixation tour. Si, así de mal.

My dreadfully childish, useless, womanizing, leeching uncle (un hombre de muchas cualidades; it's a wonder how I still care for the idiot) gave me a ticket as a present. And he looked SO happy and proud, too.

Apparently, he thought that I, being such a good girl and all (de dónde sacó esa idea no sé, pero me hizo sentir culpable por alguna razón) deserved a nice gift as a reward. And, for some reason that I can't fanthom, that gift came in the form of a concert ticket. For Shakira.

Yeah, the belly-dancing, "haría-todo-por-amor" pop-tart. Shakira.

I enjoyed howling (ok, so I can't sing) her latest hits and attempted to belly-dance (nor dance, apparently.) just like the next girl.

When I was 11.

But somehow, my dearest of kin believes I'm still into that, decade notwithstanding and such.

So I just stood there, fake, forced smile on my face, pretending to be delighted over the oh-so-toughtful gift that I knew cost him a lot of effort and money he could use for far more useful things. Como pagar parte del préstamo que le hice.

I tried reselling the ticket, but I was offered less than half it's original price (Si eso no habla de la calidad del concierto...) so I endured the whole thing, money-grabbing bitch that I am. Must say, en mi humilde opinión, it was not worth the 550 pesos.

Much more fun and fulfilling was the trip I made into a glorious male strip-club with my mother and a couple of her friends.

Yessir! I have seen heaven in the form of a barely-clad, dancing, grinding, muscular, tanned, oiled hunk. Y fueron como 8 de ellos. Casi me arrodillo y doy gracias.

It was pure, unadultered fun. We bought the mandatory vodka bottle, and I got a tad bit drunk. I think my mother had never seen me so, and was more than likely very surprised, and perhaps a bit ashamed at the way the fruit of her womb was behaving. Y se supone que soy su roca, la hija responsable y calmada.

Lo admito, I'm no good when drunk. I usually lose inhibition with my, and other's bodies. I have yet to go overboard, but I get a bit naughty.

So couple a drunk version of me and a bunch of entincing, nearly-nude men and you get your regular groping, wanton party animal.

I was like a child in a candy store. Sort of.

I would grope any piece of flesh I could when any of my dear, mouth-watering gods walked by, and screamed all sorts of pleas until my throat was raw. Good thing I wan't the only one, so mother can't place the blame fully on me. Aunque creo que sospecha...

I bought my mother two lap dances, 90 pesos a piece, from the cute, enthusiastic spanish youngster and the decidedly seductive, delicious, experienced Angel. Este último traga fuego y se columpia en telas que cuelgan del techo. And the way he dances is just sinful. Creo que estoy enamorada...

She had no clue what hit her, just felt those scrumptious boys get up close and personnal with her. Since she wasn't participative enough for my likes, I brought her hands to the boys' pert, and wonderfully tight, rears and made her fondle them, declaring "Agarra, aprovecha. Para eso pagué." She got the general idea after that. Guadalupe, her friend's sister, got a bit wilder and made her grope the family jewels.

Mom got naughty. I was giddy with laughter. Those boys seemed surprised I demanded they fondle and kiss my mother throughly. I guess it isn't often a girl roots for a couple of perfect strangers, delicious as they were, to misbehave with her mother. But I'm odd that way.

It was great fun, the most I've had in a while. Dreadfully expensive, but SO worth it. I encourage anyone to try it.

Una experiencia educativa, sin duda.